A 26-23 loss at home to Nicholls State? I can deal with that. That’s the Kansas football I know and love.
A 31-7 win over Central Michigan on the road? A little strange, but I can understand it. It was bound to happen someday, a road game against a weak opponent, that streak can’t live forever.
But… But… A 55-14 win over Rutgers? Fifty-five points…scored by the Kansas Jayhawks… the most they’ve scored against another power-conference team since I was fifteen years old… With six turnovers taken to zero given… and two interceptions returned for touchdowns?
No. I don’t understand. I can’t understand. This isn’t what I know, what the hell am I supposed to do? How can I react? Is KU Good? Like, they’ve won two games in a row, they haven’t done that in years, like… I don’t understand this. I feel like the guy I knew who’d been so accustomed to McDonalds hamburgers that he couldn’t vocalize his feelings upon eating a decent restaurant’s burger.
I’ve been pounding two-buck chucks and I’ve just been handed a glass of Hennessy. What the hell can I do, can I even really appreciate what it means to be a fan of a dominant team? Am I not enjoying this enough? And, hell, think about it, they’re going to Waco next week to play Baylor, a team still dealing with the effects of their fucked up scandal from a few years ago. Could…
Could KU pull that off, too? Could KU beat Baylor in Waco?
What the fuck am I going to do then?
For my own safety, they probably shouldn’t, I haven’t seen KU win three games in a row since I was in the ninth grade! I won’t know what to do! I might, like, way overestimate my culinary ability in excitement and burn a soufflé, thus burning my apartment to the ground.
I noticed today that I wasn’t jumping on tables. I wasn’t fist-pumping. I didn’t run around outside. I only texted my dad like twice. Mostly, I just sat, mouth agape, and ate Nutella out of the jar like I always do.
Am I going to have to develop a habit for reacting to my school’s wins? We’ll have to wait and see. Last year, I thought Baylor would be a pretty simple win, and it ended up being like a 88-3 loss or something, I spent the whole third quarter playing Desert Golfing on my phone in the bathroom.
But hell down upon my kitchen if they win.